THE OWNER;

I'm here alone
thinking about my life,
People don't understand me,

I don't understand them either.
Never did, never will.

Carlson, 25thOCT
Nick: ahCoW
FRIENDSTER
just an emokid

INTERESTS;
LIKES: LOYALTY
HONESTY
PEACE
Green apple and Mango
HATES: BETRAYER
BACKSTABBER
LIAR

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SCREAMS;


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LINKS;

Audrey.
Alice.
Asyura.
Brenda.
Chanel.
Dexter.
Guo Ming.
Hui Lee.
Ivan.
James.
Jia Yi ; meimei.
Kitty.
Lisa.
Minghee.
Raymond.
Ruoyi.
Ryan.
Sfyqah.
Shane.
Shawn.
Sharon.
ShiQi.
Shortisa.
ShiWei.
Shuyu.
Siti Shahira.
Sumin.
Tingyuan.
Wendy.
Winnie.
Xinyi.
Yew Suan.
Ying Yi.

MEMORIES;

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Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 31, 2009

Last post of the year. :)
Going to have some fun later.
Flashed back of what have happened in 2009.
It's the year where I grow up.
I learn loads of stuffs.
Those experiences I faced, made me realised that I, indeed have changed.
Some of the changes were great and some were not.
Those changes that were not great will be the goal for 2010. :)
Getting rid of them soon. xD
The road of the darkness did not really end but I am sure I will be able to get rid of it soon too.
Nothing is impossible yeah.
For those who does not really doing great to my life, it's time for me to do something.
I tried to pull people together to create peace yet they created disaster to my life.
I guess I understand the meaning of my life now.
No more peacemaker for me. :)
Not happy with me, just fuck off. xD
2010 will be the year where I start my journey of life. I mean what I said this time round. :)
No more obstacles to pull me down. NO MORE.

GOAL for 2010. CHANGES. :)
Last but not least.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY! :)
WISHING EVERYBODY A GREAT YEAR AHEAD. STAY HAPPY! :)

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009

He who can't overcome anger, his life is filled with hatred.
He who can't trust himself, rely on others.
He who can't think out of the box, will forever be stuck in his own world.
He who can't think for others, just fuck yourself.

Second last day of 2009.
Perhaps getting rid of all these problems is my goal for the year.
Sounds pretty ridiculous uh.
Just wanna have a better year 2010.
I am not going to be like what I am for this year.
Shall do what I like, what I wished for, Whatever stuffs I want.
I will not let other people revolve around me.
Just fuck off if you aint doing me great.

Really had enough of these word. "BROTHER."
Yeah, what's the definition for it? I am not reffering to the general definition.
I want yours. Fucker.
But I am pretty sure that your definition doesnt match mine.
Perhaps it's just a name for you. -.-
But to me, it's definitely not.
Brothers to me are like real blood brother where the bond is there.
Or maybe we will share almost everything.
What I can see or feel from them are like...
Worse than a friend? Or maybe much more worse than a stranger. -.-
School stuffs covered 3/4 of the conversation, relationship covers a quarter of it.
How cool can it be. -.-
Life is filled with all these problems? I doubt so.

Relationship is just another fucking problem.
Just fucking heck care that.
JUST A WASTE OF TIME.

Going to think of more goals for next year. :)
Ciaos.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Monday, December 28, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009

Wake up please.
You have been such a fool for a year.
Time to wake up.
After so long, you realise that you have been just a fool, been fooled around.
What A JOKE.
Changes should be made.

Thanks alot to her.
At least it help me changes that much.
It shows that I have grown too.
Changes are always great.
Thanks for the memories.
Thanks for the changes.
Now it's the time.
To let go when it is too hurtful.
Don't let suffering and pain combine together.
Let go of suffering and understand the pain.
You will never knows what's the pain for till the end of the road. :)

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Saturday, December 26, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009

Can you fucking act like your own age?
Can you just stop fucking ask so much questions like an uncle? -.-
I wonder what is fucking wrong with you with all those rubbish.
Stop that fuck. Stop pissing me off.
Just shut the fuck up.


Have been going out all these while.
Tiring.. lol.
But it's great.
I rather go out than stay home.
At least I will stop my mind from thinking about xxx.
Just feeling so frustrated.
Nothing else to blog about either.
Going to start school soon. 1 more week to go.
New Year is reaching. :) Hope for the best. xD

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Saturday, December 19, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009

SAD.. Sad.. Sad..
thats the only feeling i have right now.
I am feeling damn sad. Doesnt know why either.

Temper isnt that good either.
just felt so damn irritated or pissed off easily.
Just hate it so much.
FML.
I really really feel damn sad right now.
It just sucks.
Every night I could not really fall asleep.
What the hell is wrong. -.-

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009

First day of holiday.
Aint happy at all. Really.
Those excitement before holiday ended.
Life is just damn boring.
Am able to see that holiday aint going to be fun.
I wanna go out badly.
Not just going out.
I want to go out with people.
Just damn bored and pissed off with the thoughts of xxx
Seriously damn pissed off now.
tomorrow going to work. hopefully it is a better place.
I just want to stop all these thoughts.


She is my everything. Now i lost her.
I lost everything.
I find no meaning in life.
I doesnt know what I have right now.
Everyday live in pain.
Nobody will understand.
Stop asking me to move on where nothing's right on the left and nothing left on the right.
Trying to numb myself everyday.
No other things can really stop me from this pain.
It's hurtful.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Sunday, December 13, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009

I am trying to change everything that is moving in the wrong direction now.
I just can't stop them.
Everything's wrong. Nothing seems to be right.
FML.
I hate it.
I felt that I am getting worse.
I hate everything, everyone.
The anger in my soul. It just can't get off from me.
Everything just irritates me.
I am feeling useless now.
I guess I need to pick myself up on my own.
Nobody seems to be able to help me or perhaps don't even bother to help.
Busy may be just an excuse?
This is what I failed.
Anyway, just wanna say thanks to her.
From an angel in disguise.
Thanks alot devil.
You destroyed my life. almost totally.
Really thanks alot.
Now I wanna know how to pick myself up.
When nobody seems to be fucking care about me.
Yeah no fucking soul.
I am just one fucking idiot.
I have been fool for so long.
Just fuck my life.
I just wanted to move on.
Why is it so fucking difficult?
I just want peace in my life.
Why is it so fucking difficult?
I guess she is moving on well and getting well with another guy.
Wish her the best..
Hopefully she can get rid of that.
I wish that time will pass by fast.
I just wanna get into Year 3.
Thats all.
Year 2 is just fucking miserable.
Too many fucked up people.
I am feeling fucking miserable now.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Saturday, December 12, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009

What is sadness when there's no happiness?
It seems that you are too far away..
I couldnt reach for it anymore.
Perhaps it's the end.
Thanks for everything we had.
Though nothing comes up from it, there are still memories from what have been happening.
Still getting over it.

Fake a smile to cover your sadness.
But how to cover it when there's too much sadness?
Everything, everybody, just irritates me.
Just get irritated easily.
Life just sucks.
LIFE IS JUST A FUCKING LIE.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Today was distracted the whole day.
Didn't really have the mood.
Just stare in space.
Not because of school. I wonder what is wrong too..
Perhaps the song really let me think deeply.
Was totally in another world the whole day.
Can even daydream while chatting. lol.
Didnt manage to stay throughout the day.
Back home early. :)

But going out again. Going to fix that damn internet thingy on my phone. -.-
Fuck starhub.
Just sucks. lol.
Everything sucks actually. x.x

Staring in space and I actually dont know what am i thinking about.
how cool can it be. >.<
But what I can really recall is that I am thinking about the show.
"HI my Sweetheart." :)
The story is nice.
Sigh.
That sentence just kept flashing in my mind.
x.x
Shall not type it out.
I really wonder what I should do now.
Lead me please..
I miss you..

How i wish everything would turn back like before.
Without the scene where you left my heart on the floor. x.x

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Monday, December 7, 2009
Monday, December 07, 2009

Sigh..
Everyday seems to be a torture.
Act as if nothing happen in the day, back to self in the night.
I am really tired.
I miss you girl.
But I don't know what to do.
Since I have lost it, it will never come back anymore.
Just let it be and continue to be stuck down here.
I just hate my freaking life.
It just sucks.

hope she will text me if you read this. x.x
will you be back? :(

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009

About one more week to holiday. :)
like finally.
looking forward to it.
i need a break. i am super duper tired.
love this song from rainie.雨爱 :)


窗外的天气
就像是 你多变的表情
下雨了
雨陪我哭泣
看不清
我也不想看清
离开你 我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里
学会放弃

听雨的声音
一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
让想念继续
让爱变透明
我爱上给我勇气的 Rainie love

久违的雨滴
一滴滴累积
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密
能一直延续
我相信 我将会看到

almost a year since i post a lyrics from a song. lol.
i hope that i can get back to myself again.
looking back, i really want to be like myself in the past.
didnt know that i have change that much.
hate the life nowadays.
where i just cant tolerate people.
lose my temper easily, attitude getting worse, and more.
hate everything, every people and myself.
i hate everything in life.
why cant i just be like what i am in the past.
life aint getting any better everyday.
i am going to lose everything soon.
sigh.

lastly, perhaps i should share something.
I have been trying to force myself to do this.
It's not that i want it this way.
Everyday, every night, you are all in my mind.
But i have to stop myself from getting closer to you.
I have no choice.
I have to sacrifice something in order to gain something.
It's hurtful.
But, I guess, she wont care about it.
I am perhaps, just ordinary people.

I love the rain where it can cover up my tears that flowing down my cheek.
Why did the rain stop? I just hope that it rains non stop.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

Thursday, December 3, 2009
Thursday, December 03, 2009



It's getting worse everyday. DAMN.
I thought it would gets better.
Why is it like this?
I dont understand.
Everyday I numb myself.
Either by doing the school work or xxx.
But still same problems.
Sigh.
I guess I shall just let it be.
Start to move on to the place where I feel happy.
But I dont feel happier in any way.
Sigh.
Every day, every night, without fail, I dreamt about the fall.
Maybe my life have come to an end. But why am I still here in this world. -.-
I should just leave this world now.
It seems like nobody cares.
I feel very miserable right now.
Seems like it doesnt makes any difference.
Life just sucks. I sucks even more..
FUCK FUCK FUCK. NO FUCKING HUMANS AROUND RIGHT NOW?
I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO AND I FOUND NOTHING.
FUCK MY LIFE.
CHEERS FOR BEING A LONER FROM NOW ON.
HOW COOL CAN IT BE UH. -.-
FUCK EVERYONE.
just sucks.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.