emokid life.

~~Monday, November 30, 2009~~

Monday, November 30, 2009

Mood: Frustrated. -.-
What the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously.
Can't you look at my MSN status?
It's already stated clearly that I am Away yet you come talk to me. -.-
I don't really understand.
When I put Available, none of you bother to come and talk to me.
Just when my status change to Busy or Away, there you are talking to me.
Don't expect me to reply fast when you see that status seriously.
Stop those attitude please.-.-
And please. When you see my status as Away, please don't continue typing. Cause you don't even know whether I am there. -.-
At least ask something before you start talking to me. -.-

These few days were not really great too.
been moody all these while.
But who really cares?
Nobody really bother asking me.
Just continue ranting your problems to me.
Smsing me without thinking about what you were talking about. -.-
If you don't like talking to me, don't just waste your time.zzz.
Hatred. Come on people. Hate me for whatever. I don't care.
I really cannot take it anymore.
I need to start afresh. like seriously. -.-
People are just pulling me down.
I really hate everything, everyone.
Sigh.
Please, for some unneccessary stuffs.
Just stop it.
I have enough problems.
Don't continue making my life more worse please. unless you want me dead.
Life just sucks.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Sunday, November 29, 2009~~

Sunday, November 29, 2009

2 more freaking weeks to holidays.
3 weeks holidays. fuck.
time please pass faster. -.-
8 weeks of school and it isnt that great at all.
I am damn tired.
Tired of everything..
Sometimes, I wonder, did i made a right decision?
Making both decision does not change anything too.
She doesnt seems to care or bother about it.
I felt so lost, foolish..
Looking back, I lost plenty of friends. FML.
Nevermind, people who dont cherish friends, doesnt cherish themselves.
Perhaps I should start afresh.
I lost almost everything.
Thanks some fuckers.
Picking myself up right now.
Broken pieces everywhere.
I really wonder, how am i going to clean it up.
It's tough but I have to do it.
Hmm, what have i lost.
I lost some friends.
lost of confidence.
lost in the dark.
lose the ability to think positively.
lost my real self.
just lose too many things about myself to name it out.
I just hope to end everything.
I dont feel like living on too..
Why cant everything just end right now?
I hate my life.
I hate everything, everyone, even myself.
just fuck it. -.-

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Friday, November 27, 2009~~

Friday, November 27, 2009

If you don't understand my silence, you will not understand my words.
yeah right.
nobody seems to understand my words.
I try and try.
It's still the same.
I am damn tired right now.
But I am still hanging on. I am not going to fall again.
Watched new taiwan drama today.
"Hi My Sweetheart" and it have only 4 episodes out right now..
Shall wait for episode 5. :)
It's a good show. perhaps for me..
I like the story though I haven finish watching it.
Friends, bad impression about you, love life.
Rainie Yang :)

What are friends?
I have no friends..
Why they are not with you when you need them?
Why they does not believe you in whatever you said?
It's better to be alone instead as I only have to care about myself.SIGH.

Why look at the bad impression of someone?
Just because somebody did something bad, everybody have to avoid them?
People did bad things with a reason.
You avoid people with no fucking reason?
What the fuck is this world?
People who doesnt care about others and always creating problems might as well vanish from this world.
You are not welcome to be here.
FUCK OFF.
If there are bad impressions about someone, why dont you fucking look at the good impression of them?
Why make life miserable?
FUCKTARD.

LOVE LIFE..
SIGH..
Too much problems from this.
shallnt go on.
It is fucking killing me.
I dont understand why things will become like that.
FUCKERS who are not suppose to get involved in it, just fuck off.
Mind your own fucking business.
You have no right to say anything.
If you have something to say, talk to my hand.
FUCKTARDS.
Since you doesnt care so much about me, I guess walking away will be great for me.
I am really tired now.
Why am I always invisible in front of you?
I did so much yet you just treat it as nothing?
Do you know it is fucking miserable?

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Wednesday, November 25, 2009~~

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Despaired, Melancholy life isnt that comfortable right now.
The silence of this solitary is making me crazy.
Why cant all these things end?
Problems after problems
or perhaps problem forever unsolve.
I tried to let go but it's too hurtful to do so.
I don't know what to do.
Maybe I should just end my life to stop all these torture.
I smile everyday but that doesnt means I am happy.
I feel more like dying.
Same thing happen everyday.
I wonder when will I get rid of this.
Everybody just keep asking me to get out of this world.
But, do you fucking think it's easy?
Everytime I open up, people will come and hurt me.
Why cant you all just stop those problems?
Maybe I should forget everybody from my life and start afresh
Perhaps I can live happily. -.-
Just fucking miserable.
Nobody can understand what I am feeling right now.
She cant be bother too. Sigh.
I made a fucking wrong decision.
Serve me right yeah.
For being foolish, silly, idiot, blah blah blah.
how does it really feels when you gave everything to someone and yet she treat you like invisible?
maybe just a thanks and thats all for it.
can you tell how fucking miserable can it gets?

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Friday, November 20, 2009~~

Friday, November 20, 2009

You are perhaps the most honest and true emo. You may sometimes not look the most emo and sometimes you may look the most emo you can get. But inside your mindset you are emotional and true and don't put on a false temprement like posers you act how you feel, but you do it without realising, so therfore you are really... emo. remember the word emo means emotional, but not just depression it can be hate/anger/happiness so becuase you are true to yourself you don't start sulking over all this "i'm gonna slit my wrist" crap and self-pain becuase that's what posers say. You are a real emo, be proud...

Got this result from facebook. lol.
yeah seems true.
hate those posers.
that changes people impression about emo.
like being quiet equals emo. -.-
just a minute and u call yourself emo. what a crap.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Wednesday, November 18, 2009~~

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

LINEAR CIRCUIT AND CONTROL FACI SUCKS
just piss me off the moment I think of MON.
Daily Grade Audit.
GOT THIS FREAKING FUCK FROM HIM.
DAILY GRADE D.
this is the first time I got this.

"Carlson was mostly detached from his team and lesson for most of the day. He was involved in his own activities most of the time. Although he participated in the presentation in meeting 3 and submitted his RJ, I had serious doubt about whether Carlson had benefitted from attending the 3 meetings."
ya right fucker.
i have something to say about him too. -.-
" KAN HOI MING was going through the problem statement and worksheet question and keep going on and on for most of the day. He was so engrossed with his teaching that he never focussed on every students' progress. Although he participated actively in all the meetings and read through my RJ, I had serious doubt about whether he have understand what is wrong with his teaching from attending all the meetings."

FML.
aint gonna do well for this module.
fuck this faci.

heck care already.
study so much for this fucking comment.
time for more party! :)
3 more weeks to holidays~

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Monday, November 16, 2009~~

Monday, November 16, 2009

Somebody just pissed me off today.
Fucktard.
Another childish fucker.
Cant bear with it please.
Its just too childish lah.
Just one simple comment like "ya lah, onli noe how to say onli."
he wrote this,"I like leh, got problem come xxxx find me."
should I say its lame or stupid?
nobody having problem except for him yet he want people to look for him.
One big shot ah.
Must come down find. GROW UP please. When you are already that old and yet you doesnt know how to think.
I guess he thinks that he have people to back him up thats why he is having this fucking guts to do all these.
You are just nothing without them.
So dont just fuck with me.
Do something sensible. FUCKTARD.
And once I post this. I AM NOT GONIG TO DELETE IT AWAY LIKE SOME LOSER.
I meant what I say. ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Friday, November 13, 2009~~

Friday, November 13, 2009

I am feeling lost..
I really don't know what to do right now.
Headache. It is getting me crazy..
My temporary "medicine" cannot be much help right now.
I hate it now.
Again, I felt so tiring.
Damn tired..
The tiredness is just like sleeping forever.
I does not want to wake up anymore. :(
Don't ask me what's wrong or what happen where nothing's right.

It hurts alot.
Just could not hurts more than that anymore.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Thursday, November 12, 2009~~

Thursday, November 12, 2009

You said I was annoying, thats why I become quiet.
You said I was quiet, thats why I try to speak more.
and this cycle continues.
What is wrong with you people?
I shouldnt have listen to people.
I should just do what I think is right.
I am not going to trust people anymore.

You asked me to open up but you were too busy to listen, so I never open up.
You asked me to look on the bright side of life yet you keep doing things that hurt me so sad, so I stayed in my own whole.
Sometimes, when I tried sharing, you show no interest in what I am sharing, so I gave up.
NOBODY likes to listen to me. Everybody just keep tlaking about their own stuffs..
I am there listening, but are you all listening to mine?
I just fucking hate myself.
Maybe an end to my life will helps.
I always feel so invisible in front of people.
People asked me to cheer up when they just cant stop fucking hurting me.
This is what it takes for me to face the reality.
I guess I rather stay in my own world since it is not really hurting that bad.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Monday, November 9, 2009~~

Monday, November 09, 2009

"The broken clock is a comfort
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though
I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name, I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded,
I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes
They are looking for a purpose
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart,
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm holdin' on[I'm still holdin']
I'm barely holdin' on to you"

I am broken. I am barely holding on to you. I am falling.
Why didnt you hold me back?
The pain is hurting me damn badly.
I could feel more dead than alive.
Difficult breathing made me worried as I fear that I could not be able to see you again.
If I am gone, maybe you will be better.
I guess it's the end.
But I just cant let it go...
I am hurt. Seriously hurt.
Why dont you come back to me?

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Sunday, November 8, 2009~~

Sunday, November 08, 2009

How does it feels when your mind does not agree with your heart?
How does it feels when your heart wanted to do something and your mind prevented it?
FML.
Couldnt feel any better than being depressed.
Getting even worse i guess..
Mood cannot be control anymore.
It just goes up and down anytime as it likes.
Numbing myself everyday with xxxxxx.
that doesnt really help.
but it helps temporary.
I am hating people who are so fucked up.
I am so irritated when some people talk to me on msn.
How i wish it was you..
But i guess. Nothing will be alright.
Super hate my life.
Some improvements please? -.-

" Love of my life, you hurt me,
You've broken my heart, and now you leave me.

Love of my life can't you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Don't take it away from me,
Because you don't know what it means to me."

i am missing you right now. do you... too?

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.

~~Sunday, November 1, 2009~~

Sunday, November 01, 2009

After reading the past few posts of mine,
I really wants to be like before.
Looking at myself now
So much different from the past.
I just want to be as carefree, happy and always cheerful
enjoying every moment as I can.
Now, it seems like
every minutes every seconds,
i felt miserable
i just feel more worse than yesterday.
i wonder if i can shake it off.
how on earth did i get myself to this state.
it sucks.
hope i can recover.
now i am down with too many things.
theres more to come.
stressed, sadness, confused, anxiety, depressed.
god damn they are just occupying my mind.
get them off from me please.
i just want to be just like before.
nobody seems to understand me.
all i need is understanding
not advises.
you all just cant understand me.

Everything I've believed in, has lied to me.